So I know it's been a while since I've updated Ellis's blog but it's not for want of trying! I have tried many times since the new year and even on the 16th of Jan I just couldn't manage to do it. Maybe because it was a new year, a year Ellis would not see, or maybe I'm finally beginning to realise that she isn't coming back.
Sometimes I will sit here, all ready to post an update and have the words all ready in my head but then they just don't come out right or I think 'these are just words, they don't mean anything.'
Well I guess a lot of you have seen the transplant programmes that have been on this week, I actually havn't been able to watch them, just brings everything back. Not that the feelings have ever gone away but you kind of bury them and only let them re-surface when you think you can deal with them.
There was something on TV recently about prisoners on death row and it reminded me of Ellis once saying "I'm like one of those prisoners waiting to be executed, only difference is they are all probably guilty of hideous crimes where as I am innocent. Therefore they don't have the right to choose the date or time of their death, but I do. I wont be a victim and I will always be in control of my destiny, whatever that destiny will be."
How true she remained to her words.