Saturday, 16 June 2012

Sometimes you just have to laugh.

Well, it's two months now since Ellis had to leave us. Yes every day is still incredibly difficult, things we can take comfort form one day will not help the next so every day is very different. I think the trick is to not look too much into the future, keep as busy as possible and allow a little time to cry and grieve but not to let it override everything else. So if I feel my emotions getting the better of me I literally try to start the day afresh,   as one of Ellis favourite songs says "pick yourself up and try again".

I now feel able to start compiling Cáel's memory box, following the instruction's which Ellis left for us of course! Cáel has also chosen some pics of him and Ellis to go in his room, so off to buy some frames.

Also wanted to say thank you to everyone who made a donation to dreamflight in memory of Ellis, over £540 was collected.

Lastly I thought I would leave you on a note that I know would have made Ellis laugh and she probably would have used it as her facebook status, so hope it puts a little smile on your faces too.
So Cáel is talking about different parts of the body and asking about the heart and lungs etc. When we get to the kidneys he says "well I have Kidneys now because I am small but when I grow up like daddy I will have adult knees" 

Sometimes you just have to laugh. After all, whatever life holds in the future, life will go on. So we owe it to ourselves, and to those we have lost, to try and make the most of it  xx

Monday, 4 June 2012

The most beautiful gift.

My Darling Ellis, seven weeks have passed since I saw you last and it certainly isn't getting any easier. Some days I cope ok and others, like today I don't. This indescribable feeling washes over me, engulfs and consumes me. I think of the life that you will never have, going on holiday with your friends, getting your first job, your wedding day, seeing Cáel  grow - his first day at school. I think of the laughter, shopping, your beautiful happy face, your witty remarks all things I will never have again.

I find myself asking why, why did this happen to you, I know I promised I wouldn't think this, that I would focus on the lovely life you had and the pleasure that you gave me, but you know what it's so damned hard.

Today I took down all of the cards that people had given us, re-read all the kind words. We put up your photos along with a painting of a daffodil that Cáel made for you and the lovely heart and white feather from The Salmon family.

As I write this I think why am I moaning, what am I complaining about. I was given the most beautiful gift, which I was lucky enough to have for 20 years. Some people will never be blessed to experience the love which I hold in my heart. That gift Eliis is you, you have truly made me the proudest mummy in the world. x