Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Sister Love.

We tip toe down stairs to take a peak, it's Christmas morning we're too excited to sleep, 
there we see them all under the tree, wrapped up presents for you and me.
We'd compare our presents, laugh and play just like 2 sisters on an ordinary Christmas Day. 
Years go by, we grow into our own, even though you are ill I never hear you moan! 
Now we're older and its Christmas Day we buy each other gifts and they're exactly the same, 
then You have a transplant a 2nd chance of life and boy aren't you living it, out every night! 
Now you're loosing your energy you are getting very ill, nothing can cure you not even the pills, 
you lay there peacefully your life's coming to an end, cystic fibrosis not even the medicine can mend. 
You are being so brave, inside I want to cry, you're only 20 I'm not ready to say good bye, 
then I get the phone call you have fallen asleep your out of pain now and you are at peace. 

Nearly 2 years have gone by since you became an angel in heaven and I miss everything about you every day love you always. You are out of pain now and at rest, it certainly is true god only takes the best!

Love you always your big sister Mandy.

Monday, 16 December 2013

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

I would like to dedicate this post to three of Ellis's friends, each of them suffer from CF and were all awaiting lung transplants. Within a few weeks of each other they all received the gift of life and are making amazing recoveries. So Bernice, Emily and the Lovely Laura I'm praying you continue to have a speedy recovery and happy and blessed life.

Of course we must also remember the brave and courageous decision that the donor families made, in their time of loss and sadness. I hope they can take some comfort in knowing how important their decision was and what a difference it has made.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Monday, 2 December 2013

The only outcome.


After reading the above article and the comments and feelings it has provoked, I feel that I am in a position to voice an opinion, unlike many of the people who have made some negative and very hurtful comments.

There are so many layers to this story and there is no simple answer or right or wrong ending. The only thing that matters and the only person who needs to be listened to is Jennie, not her mum or family, not the doctors nor the pro/anti euthanasia campaigners. It is Jennie's life and ultimately it will be her death, one that she no doubt would have thought about from a very young age.

So here's a few things that need to be considered whilst reading the article. The young, attractive, smiling Jennie will at one stage be facing the end of her life. With every breath that she struggles to take, CF will take away a little bit more of her life, her personality, her whole being. She will probably be scared, in pain, be unable to get out of bed, be attached to wires and machines, that are keeping her 'alive' and so many drugs that will overtake her mind. Ok so she might be alive, but will she be living ?  There she could lay for days, weeks or even months, knowing there will be no miracle cure, no chance of a happily ever after, the only outcome is death.

So Jennie decides that she doesn't want to die that way. She wants to be as pain free as possible, comfortable and in control. Is it then right that she will have to travel to a strange country, with unfamiliar surroundings, without the comfort of home and all her family and friends supporting her and holding her hand?

As a mother who has been through this, I still struggle with the decision that Ellis made. But I have to tell myself she was mentally strong and determined, once she had made her decision I, or no one else, would not have been able to change her mind. So I have two options. I fight against her, tell her to carry on, to keep going, tell her she is making the wrong decision and not support her. Or I disregard my feelings, I don't want her to die, but that WILL happen anyway, I want to spend as many days and minutes with her as I can, but at what cost? So I tell her with tears in my eyes, completely devastated and in denial, that I love her and that whatever she decides we will support her and be right there with her until the end.

Was this the wrong thing to do? Some people might think so, but in my heart I know I made the right choice, not for me but for Ellis.