Monday, 2 December 2013

The only outcome.

After reading the above article and the comments and feelings it has provoked, I feel that I am in a position to voice an opinion, unlike many of the people who have made some negative and very hurtful comments.

There are so many layers to this story and there is no simple answer or right or wrong ending. The only thing that matters and the only person who needs to be listened to is Jennie, not her mum or family, not the doctors nor the pro/anti euthanasia campaigners. It is Jennie's life and ultimately it will be her death, one that she no doubt would have thought about from a very young age.

So here's a few things that need to be considered whilst reading the article. The young, attractive, smiling Jennie will at one stage be facing the end of her life. With every breath that she struggles to take, CF will take away a little bit more of her life, her personality, her whole being. She will probably be scared, in pain, be unable to get out of bed, be attached to wires and machines, that are keeping her 'alive' and so many drugs that will overtake her mind. Ok so she might be alive, but will she be living ?  There she could lay for days, weeks or even months, knowing there will be no miracle cure, no chance of a happily ever after, the only outcome is death.

So Jennie decides that she doesn't want to die that way. She wants to be as pain free as possible, comfortable and in control. Is it then right that she will have to travel to a strange country, with unfamiliar surroundings, without the comfort of home and all her family and friends supporting her and holding her hand?

As a mother who has been through this, I still struggle with the decision that Ellis made. But I have to tell myself she was mentally strong and determined, once she had made her decision I, or no one else, would not have been able to change her mind. So I have two options. I fight against her, tell her to carry on, to keep going, tell her she is making the wrong decision and not support her. Or I disregard my feelings, I don't want her to die, but that WILL happen anyway, I want to spend as many days and minutes with her as I can, but at what cost? So I tell her with tears in my eyes, completely devastated and in denial, that I love her and that whatever she decides we will support her and be right there with her until the end.

Was this the wrong thing to do? Some people might think so, but in my heart I know I made the right choice, not for me but for Ellis.


  1. I think you made the right choice, you did what Ellis wanted and what was right for her. By not supporting her decision would have only extended her suffering, As hard as it would have been, I would have done the same thing. I lost my daughter 4 months after being turned down for a transplant and quite honestly she'd had enough. Even after 4 years I still struggle every day with losing her, but in my heart I know she's in a better place and I can live with that. I hope you're doing OK, well as OK as you can be especially with Christmas looming.

    1. Hi Sue, it touches me that people, often those I do not know, care enough to comment, Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss, grief and time are a very strange thing aren't they. I guess I've learned to take each day as it comes and if I have a bad day, not too beat myself up about it. I will try and get through Christmas as best I can and hope you manage to have a happy Christmas and New Year.