My Darling Ellis, seven weeks have passed since I saw you last and it certainly isn't getting any easier. Some days I cope ok and others, like today I don't. This indescribable feeling washes over me, engulfs and consumes me. I think of the life that you will never have, going on holiday with your friends, getting your first job, your wedding day, seeing Cáel grow - his first day at school. I think of the laughter, shopping, your beautiful happy face, your witty remarks all things I will never have again.
I find myself asking why, why did this happen to you, I know I promised I wouldn't think this, that I would focus on the lovely life you had and the pleasure that you gave me, but you know what it's so damned hard.
Today I took down all of the cards that people had given us, re-read all the kind words. We put up your photos along with a painting of a daffodil that Cáel made for you and the lovely heart and white feather from The Salmon family.
As I write this I think why am I moaning, what am I complaining about. I was given the most beautiful gift, which I was lucky enough to have for 20 years. Some people will never be blessed to experience the love which I hold in my heart. That gift Eliis is you, you have truly made me the proudest mummy in the world. x