Sometimes you just have to laugh.

Well, it's two months now since Ellis had to leave us. Yes every day is still incredibly difficult, things we can take comfort form one day will not help the next so every day is very different. I think the trick is to not look too much into the future, keep as busy as possible and allow a little time to cry and grieve but not to let it override everything else. So if I feel my emotions getting the better of me I literally try to start the day afresh,   as one of Ellis favourite songs says "pick yourself up and try again".

I now feel able to start compiling Cáel's memory box, following the instruction's which Ellis left for us of course! Cáel has also chosen some pics of him and Ellis to go in his room, so off to buy some frames.

Also wanted to say thank you to everyone who made a donation to dreamflight in memory of Ellis, over £540 was collected.

Lastly I thought I would leave you on a note that I know would have made Ellis laugh and she probably would have used it as her facebook status, so hope it puts a little smile on your faces too.

So Cáel is talking about different parts of the body and asking about the heart and lungs etc. When we get to the kidneys he says "well I have Kidneys now because I am small but when I grow up like daddy I will have adult knees" 

Sometimes you just have to laugh. After all, whatever life holds in the future, life will go on. So we owe it to ourselves, and to those we have lost, to try and make the most of it  xx

The most beautiful gift.

My Darling Ellis, seven weeks have passed since I saw you last and it certainly isn't getting any easier. Some days I cope ok and others, like today I don't. This indescribable feeling washes over me, engulfs and consumes me. I think of the life that you will never have, going on holiday with your friends, getting your first job, your wedding day, seeing Cáel  grow - his first day at school. I think of the laughter, shopping, your beautiful happy face, your witty remarks all things I will never have again.

I find myself asking why, why did this happen to you, I know I promised I wouldn't think this, that I would focus on the lovely life you had and the pleasure that you gave me, but you know what it's so damned hard.

Today I took down all of the cards that people had given us, re-read all the kind words. We put up your photos along with a painting of a daffodil that Cáel made for you and the lovely heart and white feather from The Salmon family.

As I write this I think why am I moaning, what am I complaining about. I was given the most beautiful gift, which I was lucky enough to have for 20 years. Some people will never be blessed to experience the love which I hold in my heart. That gift Eliis is you, you have truly made me the proudest mummy in the world. x

One very emotional month.

Well it has been one very emotional month since Ellis had to go, why she didn't have more time with us God will only know. When we get sad and realise we will not see her again, we stop and think that she is now at peace and is no longer in any pain.  xxxx

The farewell ceremony held for Ellis on Friday was simply perfect. Mandy read a beautiful poem which she had written. Mani read words from her Transplant Consultant along with his own tribute. Finally Daren performed a very special song for Ellis, which was simply breathtaking.  Thank you for everyone who attended and made the day truly special.

Ellis carefully chose the music which was played, these and Daren's song are linked below for you all, along with some pictures of Ellis which we had at the Service and some of the floral tributes.

Forever young by Johannaonair - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP5U4rQq3s0

There you'll be by Faith Hill - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbrRxl7Q2Yk

Worlds Greatest by R.Kelly - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyaNlZaVOpc

Everything Changes by Daren -
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150822466593806

Ellis 18th birthday x

Mum & Mani's flowers x

   Cáel's flowers x

Mandy's flowers x

Our brown eyed girl x

It is difficult to find the words that can express our feelings at this time, we just have to take each day as it comes as no two days will be the same. We try to carry the courage and strength that Ellis showed with us in our daily lives, which seems to help. We are all extremely proud of Ellis, and miss her deeply, today, tomorrow and forever. 

Finally, Dreamflight, a charity that took Ellis on a holiday of a lifetime to Florida, was always close to her heart. She swam with dolphins, visited Disneyland  and her dreams really did come true. Donations in memory of Ellis can be made via Neville Funeral Service on 01582 490005. 

Thank you xxxx            

Never walk alone.

Well as you readers will know, it is very nearly two weeks since our beautiful Ellis had to spread her wings to watch over us. We also know that we promised to update her blog regularly and keep her memory alive, but it isn't that easy! Our words are not her words, our thoughts are not her thoughts, so we will just have to do our best, here goes ....

The amount of support that we have received has been amazing, not just from family and friends but from total strangers. Some have blogged about "this courageous young woman who could teach us all about life and loss", others have sent cards via friends (some have even managed to find our address, bit scary!). So it is comforting to know that Ellis really has touched peoples lives.

Today Ellis's close family and friends participated in a 10k sponsored walk on behalf of the CF Trust. Well as you probably guessed the weather was rainy, rainy, windy and oh yeah rainy!! But a promise is a promise and trek through the muddy puddles we did, until after about 2.5 hours we completed the task in hand. We also know that we will never walk alone as Ellis will always be by our sides. The money is still coming in so far, between us we have raised about £2000.00 an outstanding amount of money but it could be more so if your feeling generous, touched or inspired you can still sponsor by using the link Ellis put on previously.

Well that's about it for now, please let us know if we are doing good with Ellis's precious blog.

Until next time.

Keep Calm And Sleep.

Keep Calm And Sleep,

These were the words that Ellis took to bed with her on Sunday night, quite literally on her PJs, typical!

Ellis was honest and happy throughout, confirming exactly what her wishes were. She remained dignified and in control and her will did not falter.

Her illness gradually took away most of her choices in life but at the end, which is where she found herself,
she made sure that it would not take her final and most important one away too.

It was not a selfish decision that Ellis made, but one that benefited us by giving us the opportunity to see and be with her in a way that we had not seen for a long time, comfortable, happy and at ease. However, as much we knew, as a family, in our hearts that it was the best decision she could make for herself, it didn't make it easier.
Selfishly, we tried to make her change her mind and make her keep fighting, but who would she be struggling on for, her or us?

After several days spending time with the people she loved and after reading all of your kind messages, our most beloved, beautiful and courageous young lady, fell peacefully asleep in the arms of her mum.

We would like to join Eliis in thanking everyone for their heart felt support throughout her short but obviously very wise life.

May her wisdom and courage remain with us all during our time of need and inspire us throughout our lives.

We love you Ellis.

Roller coaster ride.

Hi all, just a quick update on behalf of Ellis.

Well over the last few days Ellis has remained strong, determined and very up beat. She has managed to spend some precious quality time with family and friends without being in any pain or discomfort and has been totally chilled out. Last night was spent hand and finger painting with Cael, which was lovely. He even shared his special baba (blanket) with her !

She has requested no visitors today as she just needs some peace and quite, however she is reading your posts, when her eyes are a bit blurry, we read them to her. She wanted to thank you all for your support, understanding and kind messages.

Drugs have been fiddled with a bit which have made her a little confused. She woke up a while ago thinking she had been on Stealth, keep thinking those good thoughts sweety. She is now going to attempt to watch Britains got Talent, as she was most annoyed at being too sleepy to watch it last night.

Jo - Ellis' mum
x

Ellis's wishes.

Well everyone, Ellis has asked that I (mum) update her blog.

As you may be aware Ellis elected to come to Hotel Papworth yesterday afternoon, after much thought and deliberation Ellis decided that she no longer wanted to continue treatment. Mainly because they have not really been effective over the past few weeks and daily chores have become extremely difficult. This decision wasn't taken lightly, but as you guys will also know, The only way is Ellis!

So Ellis is now chilled, eating ice lollies, relaxing and of course listening to her beloved music & as expected she has been as brave and outspoken as ever, (ashamed to say the same can't be said for us though).

Her beloved little brother Cael is safe and sound at his aunties & Ellis has spoken to him on the phone, telling him how much she loves him and to be a good boy. Mandy, sis, was with her last night with some close family and friends who she loves dearly.

For the first time in quite a long while Ellis is happy, relaxed, breathing easy and in no pain. However hard, we know this IS the right decision.

Finally, Ellis wants me to express her gratitude & love to you all for your support & comments, as this helped her through her journey greatly.

Thanks all.